Today, I had an appointment with my therapist. He helps me keep my head on straight. I have been seeing him for a number of years. Why? My life is crazy and sometimes it is good to hear a voice of reason in those crazy/wild times, something I am not able to do for myself. I have been in emotional pain for a long time. I have dealt with depression and anxiety most of my adult life.
I like to keep him on my list of professionals I can call at crazy/wild times in my life. Having someone able to hear me is so helpful.
He is also helpful in dealing with the terrible twins (not my human sons) Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia. They are like terrible children sometimes that can not be contained.
Sometimes writing about what is going on inside me is the only way to keep those terrible twins from sad to say, taking my life away or consuming my life with them.
Sometimes, I am afraid to talk to other professionals about exactly what is going on in my mind when they flare up. Mainly cause I don't want to be taken the wrong way.
But the one time, I did talk up about how anxiety and depression take a big role up in my life I was met with a smile(from my dr.) and with an affirmation that indeed he understood.
I told him how I deal with anxiety/panic attacks. I need to hear the voice of reason, the facts about having panic attacks, I'm not going to die, I will be okay, etc. Sometimes that voice of reason comes from me, talking to myself letting the panic know it isn't going to get far. During that day this technique works very well. In the middle of the night however, that voice of reason isn't so strong. So I have been working on that.
That is why I let my dr.(and therapist) know, because my sleep gets disturbed. The panic knows it can disturb my sleep, and nightmares also know my sleep can get disturbed.
So when I explained to the dr., "that there is this voice that keeps telling me I am going to die if I go to sleep", he finally got the picture. He said, "Tammie, if I had that voice going off inside my head in the middle of the night that told me I was going to die, I sure would not want to go to sleep either!" Both of us know understand that this cycle needs to be broken before it gets too far.
Then he said, "You know that gives me so much insight to what it is like for you and many of my other patients that deal with panic disorder".
He wasn't hesitant to give me a prescription for medication. He knows I have told him my struggles with panic and depression and he doesn't hesitate to help me out in the way he does. Why? because I am up front, make an appointment with him early on before my symptoms get away from me.
I know I am safe with him in telling him the crap (I hope it is okay that I use that word and it doesn't offend anyone) that goes on. I am so relieved I have two professionals (My family dr. and my therapist) I can be real with and not worry what the outcome is going to be.
So when I go in with a complaint about anything else he takes me seriously. I am glad for that. I don't need someone who will question my need for medication, specialists/tests or alternative treatments.
He does however question me about my symptoms so that he understands my whole picture.
There are times though, like early this year, after coming back from serving out of the country, I showed up in his office so ill, but yet I am laughing and crying at the same time. He knows at that point he is going to really have to draw me into a conversation to get the information he needs out of me. I am thankful for that and that he does not write me off as a nut case. I am smart enough to call him during the day too so that he doesn't have to send me to the ER to let an er dr. deal with me.
Yet then there are those times where I have called him during the day where he will say, "Tammie that is something the gyn dr. needs to help you with, please call him, but in the meantime if you need anything call me immediately!" I did indeed end up doing that, sooner like the next day because of a gyn problem that got out of hand. I HAD to go to the er then.
I guess what I am writing about here is that if you are ill, go to the dr. sooner rather than later. Get to know your doc. over the course of time, so that you can develop a relationship with that person. They get to know you, understand who you are. That way when something does arise that is an emergency they don't hesitate to prescribe medications over the phone, refer you to a specialist, or help you get to the er.
(with this dr. I have had that happen, not often thank goodness)
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