Exhaustion.

I have been married to my husband 25 years, the mom of three young adult children, 4 cats and a dog. I work part time as an administrative assistant at a local food pantry.

I wished that sometimes I had my own administrative assistant or even a housekeeper who would do all the tasks that take up so much of my energy, so I can do the things that interest me the most. But since I don't have an administrative assistant or a housekeeper, I do those things when I am feeling well.

I have noticed when the pain is constant I get exhausted. Resting and relaxing is not really what I would like to do, but I do in order to get some reserve energy when I am not in pain, and when I am in pain I rest so that I don't become even more exhaustion.

I really don't like resting, I feel like life is passing me by. I miss out on things I would normally take part in. I have missed social gatherings, parties and church services.

I want to be able to get up move around, but to be honest with you the exhaustion overtakes me. Doing any activity when I am in the I can't move stage only serves to make me even more exhausted. Adding to my exhaustion I take medications that make me sleepy. I often feel like I am going to fall asleep if I am not active. Sometimes because the exhaustion is so much, I could sleep 12-13 hours wake up, and feel as though I haven't slept a wink.

I have had people ask me how I can rest so much. Honestly I thought I would not be able to rest as much as I do. I have not found it a bad thing.

I have found with fibromyalgia that when I am in a lot of pain and exhausted, all the things I enjoy doing, being up and around, working on the computer, reading, and watching tv are difficult things. During the times where I am in the I can't move stages, being in too much pain and too exhausted to do anything, laying in bed with my head against the pillows, under a soft blanket is usually all I want to do and all I am able to do. Feeling the texture of the fabric and the softness of the pillows I'm okay with that.

When I don't give my body what it needs, rest, it is all I can think of. If I am at work, I can be physically at work but my mind is at home resting in bed! On days like this going to work is hard for me, a project that would take me ten fifteen minutes takes longer. I have to really watch what I am doing, as my work turns into a sloppy unprofessional mess.

I do wonder what life might be like if I weren't dealing with fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis. I try not to go there to often in that thought process. Wishing is not going to get me anywhere.